Embracing New Values and Navigating Change

Key Insight

Living with significant disadvantages, such as genetic disorders like Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), exemplifies the distinction between fault and responsibility. In 2013, a BBC documentary highlighted half a dozen teenagers with OCD. They were not at fault for their neurological condition, but they were responsible for managing it. Therapies focused on accepting imperfections, recognizing irrational values imposed by the disorder, and choosing new, more rational values that prioritize a functional life over compulsive desires. Examples include an individual choosing a normal social life over symmetrical behaviors, or taking control of thoughts over compulsive tapping, leading to progress like reducing 'equalizing' behaviors for 25 to 30 minutes or leaving the house without extreme germaphobia.

This principle extends to life's 'cards dealt,' akin to poker: while luck or genetics influence one's initial hand, ultimate success depends on the choices made with those cards. People facing psychiatric disorders, difficult childhoods, or trauma are not to blame for their circumstances but are always responsible for moving forward, making the best choices, and seeking treatment or therapy. A societal trend, 'victimhood chic,' often seen on social media, encourages passing responsibility by seeking moral righteousness and attention for perceived injustices, such as a book assigned in class or a 0.5 percent tax increase on investment funds, distracting from actual victims and real problems. Malala Yousafzai, shot in the face in 2012 at age 14 for advocating girls' education in the Swat Valley, chose not to be a victim, gaining a larger audience and the Nobel Peace Prize in 2014.

The process of changing one's values and taking responsibility is conceptually simple—choosing to care about something else—but inherently difficult. It entails unavoidable 'side effects': profound uncertainty ('Should I really give this up?'), feeling like a failure as old metrics are abandoned ('I feel like some sort of fraud'), and potential rejections from relationships built on previous values ('Many of them will blow up in your face'). These discomforts are normal and necessary for placing one's focus on more important and worthy priorities, leading to significant personal growth. Facing internal and external resistance, and questioning one's path, are integral parts of this transformative journey.